The bond with family is supposed to be an unbreakable link that no one and nothing can sever, no matter what. However, sometimes it becomes imperative to distance oneself from certain family members who prove to be toxic. It is crucial not to compromise one’s mental, emotional, or physical health to tolerate someone harmful to the family unit.
Often, the toxic family member is a parent. It is extremely painful to realize that the personality of a toxic parent is very unlikely to ever change. The decision to have little or no contact, and then sticking to that decision, can be agonizing. Furthermore, the person is often unaware of the toxicity and finds themselves in an endless cycle of abusive behavior that they ultimately accept.
Let’s begin by recognizing the signs of a toxic person:
They make judgments: Constructive criticism is healthy, but persistent and unjustified criticism can damage self-esteem. She thrives on drama: She spends her time sharing the most vulnerable moments of someone who trusted her with the entire family.
She only speaks to you when she needs you. Often, she turns to you for advice or emotional comfort. But once you turn to her for help, she rejects you.
She may lash out at you, yell, and insult you. She may have positive interactions, but they are short-lived as she quickly reverts to her typical manipulative behavior.
If your family member claims they never said something, when you and everyone else know it’s not true, this is a form of manipulation, which is highly abusive behavior. Toxic relationships, even with family members, can emotionally drain you, which can impact your overall mental well-being. Nevertheless, you shouldn’t accept the status quo.
How can you make relationships with these people more bearable?
There are certain techniques people can use to make these relationships more tolerable. These methods generally involve creating some distance from the toxic person. However, in many cases, the best solution is to completely remove the toxic person from your life. This is rarely easy and is often complicated and emotionally fraught, especially in the case of close family relationships, such as with a sibling. But when situations deteriorate to the point where living a happy and free life becomes impossible, this course of action is usually the best.
Even if you distance yourself from this toxic person, it will still take time to recover from the abuse. At this time, it’s important to surround yourself with supportive people, such as friends and other family members. This will help you make the positive changes you need in your life.
Expert advice!
Alithia Asturrizaga, a licensed clinical social worker at Alithia Psychotherapy Associates, explains that the toxic person in your life might try to make you believe you are the abuser. They will likely claim to have been a victim because you are avoiding or distancing yourself from them. They will try to give you the false impression that they have changed, simply to make you feel remorse. Know that these are the same abusive tactics they have used before, and you should not back down and allow them back into your life.
After all, toxicity is harmful, and you don’t need this kind of mentally damaging behavior.
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