struggled to see her as anything more than the product of the affair my dad had, not family, even less a sibling. That I wish things had been different and that our parents had made better choices. But truth is, for the moment, I can’t bring myself to be a part of her life or have her be a part of mine.
She looked at me like I had just stabbed her, and I went away because in that moment, I felt like crying, but I couldn’t keep that in my chest anymore. I went to my car and went home. I haven’t spoken to my dad in person since that day, and I don’t know if Jallen told him what happened, but I’ve been so anxious ever since.
My mom told me I was very harsh and could have phrased it better if that’s really how I felt because she’s going through so much at the moment. Most of my friends agree with me, saying she needs to stop demanding a relationship and better herself instead of just crying. But one of them told me I was very cruel because if her stepsister ever said the things I said, she would crash out.
I’m really lost and would appreciate some insight from people who have experienced something similar. I don’t really even know if I’m justified in being this resenting because as I said, I haven’t really known a life with my parents together. Thank you so much. Comments where op has replied comment one nta. You weren’t harsh at all.
You were being honest. Also, you didn’t slam the door completely. You told her that for the moment you can’t give her what she wants. She should back off. It may someday happen, but it won’t if she tries to force it. Oop. Also, what bothers me is that she only seemed to want to have a relationship with me. None of my other siblings when me and her have been the ones to argue the most. Comment two.
Not really surprising though. The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. While she may have fought and struggled with you, that still means you had a relationship, which is more than she probably had with either of your siblings. It’s not uncommon for people to prefer even adversary relationships to absolute solitude. Oop, yay, maybe that’s why.
I never thought of that. I just thought she saw me as weaker. My siblings definitely don’t care for her now. When we were younger, they mostly ignored her and comforted me when we would argue. Now that they’re older and have a life outside the family, maybe she thinks she has no chance at ever getting to know them organically without me.
I’m really confused. Comment three. NTA. And your mom is a saint and better woman than I’ll ever be because damn, if I didn’t raise holy hell and danced on my ex-milgrave while toasting champagne if she did that to me. Oop. I didn’t add this because I didn’t think it was relevant. But my mom was actually the one to tell us that our grandma passed.
My dad called her and said he had enough to deal with having told Jaylen update. Hello everyone. I know it’s been a long time since my post and wanted to update as soon as I could with the advice I got from here, but these past weeks have been very chaotic with school and my family, and I haven’t had the energy for anything else, but now I feel ready to write it all down.
I’ll try to explain everything in order, but just know that everything was happening all at once, and my brain can only handle so much at a time. Morgan called me the next day after I posted this and didn’t even ease into it. She just went ahead asking what exactly I told Jaylen because people were telling her different things.
And I told her the truth that I can’t give her the relationship that she wants and that I don’t see her as a sister. Then she started in on how sometimes you don’t have to say everything exactly as you feel it. That there are ways to say things, especially when someone is not doing okay mentally and that I wasn’t particularly new to dealing with mental health problems.
And that really irritated me because when were we ever given softness growing up? I said, “Nobody cared that we were being dragged there every weekend.” Listening to Elizabeth make vile comments about mom, having to act polite while being insulted to our faces. Then she snapped back that I have no idea how much she had to deal with before she even turned 10, trying to shield the rest of us that not everything happened in front of me and that I don’t even know the half of it.
And then it just spiraled into a screaming match because pulling out old stuff just makes you feel 13 again for some reason. She even threatened to call Ruth to back her up in what she was saying to prove I have no reason to be acting like a martyr because according to her, I had the easy part having the three of them like hawks around me.
I honestly don’t know how she could be so wrong considering I spent my late adolescence crying every single weekend I had to go and begging them to come with me because I couldn’t handle it anymore. I want to think she just said it because she was angry. I know she carries a lot of resentment because she had to do it alone because even though Ruth is only one year younger, she was always pretty much on the more innocent side and just dealt with everything more quietly while Morgan was the one who spoke up every single time.
I know both of them are still pretty angry, even if they hide it better now that they have husbands and houses and everything. Talking to my dad was way worse. I went to his job to pick him up and talk on the way to his home because I know his wife would be there and that was the only way I could talk with alone and because I wanted to clear up what happened at the funeral and needed to say everything to his face.
I asked him why he never shut Elizabeth down when she talked badly about mom or us, why he never drew hard boundaries with them like he did with us, why keeping the peace always meant we were the ones who were adjusting, and why even after having all of their kids say they wouldn’t see him if his wife was there, it didn’t click for him that maybe his wife was really the problem.
He did the whole forehead rub and saying he was so tired of everything and everyone that he was trying to maintain stability, that Jallen didn’t deserve to grow up feeling unwanted and that you’re not going to believe this. Elizabeth is his wife and he will always be by her side even when she’s wrong and would never let anything come in between them.
I asked him, “How can you love someone who has destroyed every single relationship in your life because you refused to put her in her place?” And he just said, “I didn’t know anything about her and couldn’t judge her because everyone has their little things.” In that moment, I wanted to swerve and crash the car because what do you even mean? That honestly with my head more than anything else he’s ever said because suddenly it’s not a mistake he made years ago that he can’t fix now.
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